My Quest for the Holy Grail (otherwise referred to as a Social Security Number)

I never thought I'd ever say this - but I actually think that the Australian "customer facing government departments" (specifically Centrelink) may be worlds best in class. Or at a minimum a hell of a lot better than say - I don't know - the US Social Security Office perhaps. Not only do we contemplate online applications (we are living in 2005 are we not?), but (and again can't believe I'm saying this) the staff are friendlier and more helpful, the processes easier - oh and when you a read a form - 9 times out of 10 you can understand it (obviously the tax pack being the exception) :-) .

I went to apply for a Social Security Number (hereafter SSN) today.

To be honest - the issues started when I downloaded the application form. 4 pages of explanations to explain filling in a 1 page form with around 7 questions? Only to discover after reading the application form - the most difficult question was "what is your Mother's maiden name?". I can understand the 4 pages though - apparently they took literacy lessons from George Dubya himself - because they found a way to make that question harder to answer than the solution to achieving World Peace.

I walk in to the Social Security Office (SSO) to be greeted(?) by a security woman (actually I was looking around somewhat dumbfounded as I couldn't find one sign to indicate where to go or what to do - and she apparently took pity and pointed towards what looked to be a relatively short line).

But looks can be be oh so deceiving. I will admit - I was forewarned it would take a while. But OMG 2.5 hrs standing in a line!!! For what eventually took 3.58 minutes (yes I was timing). There were approx 13 people in front of me - not a great number considering there were 14 in the whole place (I found an apparently fairly unknown SSO just around the corner from the hotel). But damn they are slow.

And then - after I get to the front of the line with only 2 people to go..... the SS Officer walks off. Never to be seen again. I think it may have been her lunch break. So we wait, and wait, and wait. People are dropping like flies, leaving the office followed by a string of huffs, puffs and the occasional profanity (some woman went so far as to scream - yep scream - at the SS officers from the line). Then one of the people in the line made the monumental error of asking the security woman if anyone was coming back - not pretty I tell you.

Finally - it is my turn....... but the new SS Officer is off again. So I wait and wait and watch the clock as it looks like I will miss my 2 o'clock appointment. And then voila - "sign here" I hear. But I can't - she typed in the data wrong - and damn was it scary telling her. Then she's off - again - and then back - form correct. Signed. Done?

So I'm sure you're wondering if I ever got that damn SSN. And the answer is (do I really need to tell you?) NO!!!! I did not!!!!!!! Apparently the official visa stamp in my passport issued by the US Consulate - was not enough to verify I have a visa. They needed to "check" (what the? It's ok for customs to let me in the country but not to get a SSN?). And the check - takes 6 weeks!!!!!!!!

And that's when it all came to me - they don't want to make it easy. If you cut down the numbers, make people wait in line for hours, bark or ignore the person you are speaking to - then maybe, just maybe, that's one less piece of work to be done because you drive everyone away. Online or postal application process anyone?

So there - I vented. I feel better. I am still down one SSN - but such is life right.
A special thanks to Miss Melly - for which I would never have survived the 2.5 hours standing on concrete in stilettos without my copy of the Fashionista Files - which I have now finished thanks to the inefficiency of the US Social Security Office. So it was not an entire waste of time.